Saturday, August 04, 2012

Move Forward With Confidence

On Friday, I took three impatient, easily bored males with me to buy Mini's school uniforms. It was the start of tax free weekend, so the traffic was nuts and everything in every store was picked over. Add to that, each one of the guys had something else they'd rather be doing. I didn't harm any of them, I'm happy to report. Although, next year, I think I will measure Mini at home and do this shopping by myself.

Today was more low key, thankfully. I stayed home with Mini while the big guys went to see Hubby's sister. I wrote a few thousand words on the wip then went to hang out in the den with Mini and the pets. I'm making slow progress these days, but there is so much going on with family it's hard to get my head in the right place for writing. I'm hoping that will change after I get Mini in school and on a steady routine.

I'm about a third of the way through this book, and there are times I really doubt my ability to sell this story. Or any story for that matter. At one point I wondered if I should stop writing for a while. In other words, insert all the daily writerly doubts here. I wondered if I should put this story aside and leave it for later, but these characters are the ones talking to me the loudest at the moment. I hate to shut out those voices and walk away. So here I am, sticking with it, come hell or high water. I just wish I felt more confident about my ability to write it.

The guys made it back from visiting around four, and we've been sort of hanging around and doing our own thing since then. Tonight, I'm going to watch cheesy horror movies and drink wine. I feel like I've earned it.

Before I forget... Last night, I dreamed there was an angry bee darting around the living room of our old house. It kept dive bombing me, but I'd swat it away and watch it fly around the room before coming at me again. I anticipated it stinging me at any moment, and my adrenaline was pretty high. I sat on the couch, thinking that would make me less of a target than standing up. That's when my mom walked into the room and asked me what I was doing. She came over and sat to my left, and then the bee flew down and landed on my left thigh. I froze a second, anticipating pain. Mom was scrambling for a cloth to swipe the bee off me, when I suddenly smacked the critter with my right palm and killed it. To my surprise, it didn't sting me. Strangely enough, when the bee fell over, I noticed it was just a yellow shell with a tiny black wasp underneath it. Interesting, no?

My tarot card for the day is the three of wands. I did this reading with The Vampire Tarot. I don't use this tarot very often. It's a beautifully illustrated deck. I'm drawn to it, but it isn't the easiest to read. It's Rider-Waite based at its core, but not all the cards share the traditional meanings. The symbolism on some of the cards is very understated, and not easy to understand without at least basic knowledge of the Rider-Waite cards. As much as I like this deck, I wouldn't hand it over to a beginning tarot reader.

The image on the card I drew shows three wands rising from the a fertile green patch surrounded by darkness. This is the edge of the cliff as shown in the Rider-Waite card, only shown from an almost first person point of view. The darkness represents the unknown. The wands represent fire, creativity, and movement. There is a gold rimmed mandala/medallion "wheel"* in the sky with a vampire mystic cloaked in the red robes of passion. The vampire in the wheel carries a cane of exploration and leadership.

This vampire has cast his doubts and fears aside and he's seeking new horizons and greater possibilities. He has been detached from the mortal plane to gain perspective of his situation. which is why he's hovering in the sky at the edge of the cliff. Now that he has a broader view of the world and his goal, he is confident in going after what he wants, and has adjusted his plans to fit the journey he has embarked on.

*Throughout history, and even in the Bible, there are "wheels" in the sky that have appeared in visions. The vampire's wheel is about divine intervention, destiny, higher inspiration, visions, genius, premonitions, the unhindered flow of energy, and creativity.

This 3 of Wands card is about making progress, and moving forward fearlessly. Cast doubt aside, and trust in your own creative vision. Have confidence, and don't be afraid of stepping out into the unknown. Very fitting advice for me at the moment, considering everything I wrote about at the beginning of this post. Don't you think?

Mini is getting sleepy, and I need to put him to bed. Once he's snoozing, I'm going to put in my horror movie and refill my wine glass. That's all for now. Happy weekend, everyone! ;o)

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