It's already after midnight., and I'm totally wound for sound. I'm also on my fourth *cough* fifth glass of wine, so this blog post should be truly interesting when I reread through it in the morning. Heh.
Yesterday was a day of painful revelations. Call it a crisis of career if you like, because honestly, I can't imagine myself doing anything else. However, I'm at this point in my writing life where it's really time to stop and ask myself what I want, and what do I have to do to get there. Wherever the hell there is, because as of right now, I don't know. I'm already published through six or seven different publishing houses, not to mention my own damn label, so what am I really, truly, looking for?
This hasn't exactly been a fun conversation (with myself), but I have to start looking at the type of fiction I write best, and compare that with the type of fiction I'm satisfied writing, and find a happy medium. Then I have to figure out where is the best place to release that fiction into the wild. The rest will fall away, because as of right now, I'm done with not being satisfied with my own writing.
Lately, I've been pushing myself to write, even when I'm not feeling "the spark" with the material. It's like I hope the spark will magically appear while writing, and sometimes it does. But then again, sometimes it doesn't, and then I'm stuck with the results. I guess the real question is, if I'm not jazzed about a particular piece of work, shouldn't that be an indicator it's time to make a change?
I asked myself that exact question yesterday, and I decided to make a change. I put aside a story that was making me dreadfully unhappy to write it, and I have been reevaluating what I'm doing in writing as a whole. As a career choice. I think this is long overdue.
When I first started writing for publication, the big dream was to have a book in print. That was it. That was the major goal. I didn't care if I made twenty five cents as long as I managed to get something, anything in print form. What can I say? I'm from the old school. That was the big dream when I started hobby writing in the 1990s. The measure of success was to hold the finished product of your labor in your hands. The print book was the trophy you hoisted high after you won the race. Times have changed.
That goal was made before digital took off, and before mass market started its decline. Looking back only a couple of years ago, I remember when my goal, my dream, began to lose its importance. It was around the time I first started hearing the rumors Dorchester was in trouble. Even after seeing how things were changing in the market, I never actually sat down and said, "okay, Cora, now what?" I just kept writing. I never took the time to reevaluate what I truly want.
While I would still love to hold one of my own print books in my hand one day, that goal isn't really as important to me as it once was, especially now since there is CreateSpace to consider. And if I'm completely truthful with myself, I'd much rather have an ebook that is selling well, than a print book that sells only one copy.
I guess what I'm saying is, it's time to step back, and take a look at the bigger picture, not just float by on an old goal that isn't relevant any more. Writing monster smut is probably where I'm truly in my element, even if the popularity of the genre is waning. Then again, who can keep up with all the trends? In the past six years popular genres have fluctuated wildly. First, an explosion of paranormal, then erotic romance, YA, and now contemporary erotica. I think I'll be better off, or at least I'll be happier, sticking with what I know, and what I love to read.
From this day forward, I'm going to focus more on writing what inspires me. I'm going to focus more on writing the books I want to read, but haven't been able to find in the bookstore. I'm doing this, not only because I want to like that I've written; I'm doing this because I want to be satisfied with the end results of what I've written.
And there it is. My big epiphany for July. Whatever your genre, write happy, folks!