Happy Memorial Day to all the soldiers past and present. Thank you for your service and your sacrifice. I can't help but think about Oldest, who is getting in his school training. He's an aerographer's mate. I thought it was nerve wracking when Hubby was in the service...it's just as nerve wracking when it's one of your children. I have been very anxious, cry-ey, and nervy for the past few days. I think it is partly due to the holiday, and partly due to the pressure on me right now.
Last night I dreamed I was in this dark building that looked like an abandoned mall, although there were people there standing around and talking. It was like they were there because they were familiar with the building and wanted to see the place one more time, in this final phase. I looked straight ahead, and right at the bend of the corner, I saw a construction worker removing these glossy black tiles from the wall - basically dismantling the place piece by piece. I looked down, and beneath my feet, there was this patterned carpet that I remember being in the movie theater at Pecanland Mall in Monroe before they remodeled the place 15 years ago. I walked down the corridor, and when I turned to the right, there was a long, dark ramp leading up to a square of light - the outside. Right in front of me was a very old friend. We've known each other since we were little kids, and she was talking to this blonde woman that looked like a cross between Dee Wallace and my Aunt Karen. They appeared to be having a serious conversation.
The theater bathrooms were to my left, and were dark, with the outer floor tiles ripped away to reveal bare cement. Beside me there was this pile of black and cobalt blue tiles the construction worker had ripped up. I called to my old friend, and suggested we take some of these tiles and build something with them. I mean, they were perfect. Used, but not broken or chipped or anything. It would be a shame to throw them away.
The construction worker, who was ripping out and throwing away the tiles, said I couldn't take them, that would be stealing. I tried to tell him my friend was four months pregnant, and we could use them, but it didn't seem to matter. At that point, my friend glanced over her shoulder at me, then turned away and started walking up the long ramp up to the outside doors - the square of light. Not knowing what else to do, I followed her.
The ramp was steeper, and much longer than it appeared to be. While my friend didn't seem to have any trouble climbing it, I struggled to keep going - I kept slipping. The angle of the ramp was almost impossibly steep the closer it got to the outside doorway. Nevertheless, I kept going, and finally I made it outside to this port cochere with Grecian columns. There were gently rolling hills leading down to the rose gardens.
Once again, I spotted my old friend. Again, she was talking to the blonde woman. Only the blonde woman acknowledged me when I approached. She looked at me, but said nothing. They continued to talk, and I realized that my friend had no intention of acknowledging me at all, so I turned around and started to walk away. That's when the dream went black and I felt like I was being pulled through a tunnel.
When I came out on the other side of the tunnel, I was standing on a sandy beach dune area. There was dune grass, and a sea breeze, but I couldn't hear the water or see the ocean. I turned around and saw a castle in questionable condition. I knew I had inherited the place. It was a very small structure, more like a keep or a single column tower, and although I couldn't get inside, it appeared to be stripped down to nothing more than old stone with a roof on top.
The foundation was raised up, almost like a country house on cinder blocks, only the foundation was stone. I didn't think it had been built that way on purpose. It appeared to me as though, over the centuries, erosion had washed away a lot of the soil. Behind the castle there were "moors", at least that is how I processed it in the dream. When I walked back behind the castle, there was a dune, then a sharp, eight to ten foot drop off leading down to what looked like moss covered sand, only the sand moved like ripples in pond water when the wind blew toward the castle.
I was terrified of the water and the drop off, and thought surely with time the castle would plunge into the ocean since no care had been taken to create a sea wall or a break to stop the soil erosion. I moved away from the edge of the dune, and walked back around to the front of the structure - the land had a very small foot print - and I could see what I thought of as "coves" beneath the castle foundation.
There was an open, arch doorway I could see inside of, but there were no stairs to actually enter the castle, and I couldn't figure out any other way to get inside, so I went down into the coves. Inside were all these dome-shaped niched out areas with primitive murals and drawings on the walls. Even though this was my private land, there were other people down there exploring. It was all brightly lit, and beneath the crude murals (that were very weathered with age) the walls looked like white limestone.
I ventured to the heart of the coves, then watched an academic tour group passing through one of the larger chamber areas. A minute or so later, I turned and looked around and began looking for a way out. I didn't feel safe there - I worried the castle would come crumbling down on us at any minute. Then this blonde woman appeared, and it was the same woman I'd seen my friend talking to at the demolition of the mall. She looked slightly like my Aunt Karen, and she told me I had nothing to worry about. The castle was sturdy; it wouldn't collapse. It had stood here for over a hundred years. As soon as she said it, she either walked away or vanished. I looked over to my right and there was a large naturally formed "port hole" like area in the cove where I stood. Through the port hole, this dolphin was watching me. Almost as soon as I noticed it, the dolphin slipped away into the water deep below the castle.
That's about the point I woke up. A very bizarre dream, and I only know partly what it means. I recognize the friend walking away part. An old friend who posted nothing but sarcastic messages on my Facebook wall even after I asked her privately not to do that was offended when I removed her from my friend list. I hated to remove her, but what gives someone the idea that sort of thing is okay? Neither she nor her sister has spoken to me since, although I explained why I had to remove her from my list, and she admitted she "had a mouth on her". It's sad things had to end up that way. Then again, she is not the only person I've had issues with lately. Another friend and I parted ways also a few weeks back. In the past, I have helped her whenever she needed me, and then suddenly no word from her. When I did manage to talk to her again, there was a very strange, almost weirdly competitive vibe to the conversation. That made me very uncomfortable because I am not a competitive type person. I'm far too high strung for that. She hesitated to tell me what I found out later was common information, which hurt twice as much because I realize now she just didn't want to share it with me for the sake of keeping me in the dark. And then, when we parted ways, she said she was busy, but she went on to say when/if I finish school and become an editor at a publishing house somewhere, I can contact her and get her a contract. Basically, I'll happily use you, Cora, but I don't want to be friends. Talk about a shock. I have since wondered if she was hormonally out of her fucking mind that day, or what. If that's the case, though, it's mass hysteria. She isn't the only person who has come at me with that exact same conversation over the past two months. Sometimes I wonder, do I have doormat tattooed on my forehead and I'm just not aware of it? I swear, it's been unreal.
Anyway, I'm sure the castle represents something important in the dream. A castle/keep is basically built for defense. It's purpose is to withstand an attack, and I've had attacks coming from all sides lately. Things just now feel like they're starting to settle down into a normal routine again, and I'm trying to maintain that as best as I can.
Today I did nothing but homey things...I baked cookies with Mini, and helped him thoroughly clean his room. That included sorting through his toy boxes and throwing out all the junk and broken stuff. I cleaned house, then made a homemade tetrazzini for supper. I didn't get around to vacuuming or putting the boy in the bath until after ten p.m., but all that matters is that it was a good day spent surrounded by folks I love.
Tomorrow, back to the grind...but, for now, I'm calling it a night. I hope you all had a great Memorial Day.