Friday, February 03, 2012

Mom Zone: Friday Stresses and Dreams

You are entering the Mom Zone. I started this post around one in the morning, but of course I decided to attempt blogging during a storm. The thunder and lightning got pretty bad, so I turned off everything the minute the lights started to flicker. I had candles lit and ready, just in case the power went out, and called it a night.

Anyway, Mini and I, we survived to Friday. I could cry, I'm so happy this week is almost over. It has been a harsh week for the both of us. This morning, after I put him on the school bus at around 7 (it was pouring out there), I turned out all the lights and went back to bed. I settled into the "warm zone" between SassiePup and KippyCat and within five minutes I was seeing Z's. I know it's because I had such a chaotic week, but I dreamed all these crazy dreams. First, I was at this hotel, or resort, and I was nervous because I wasn't supposed to be there. I kept going in and out of the building, looking for a way to leave, but when you went out the glass doors you ended up in a courtyard. The courtyard had no exit. It was surrounded by three skyscraper type-buildings. I could see other people, mostly dressed in business suits and carrying briefcases, were somehow able to come and go from the complex, but I couldn't figure out how they were getting in and out of there. I was afraid to stop someone and ask them which building they were going through to get out, because I knew I'd be in major hot water if they discovered I wasn't supposed to be on the property.

That dream is one of the most vivid I can recall. There were a lot of other little snippets too, like I was talking to Oldest about something, and he got up and said he had to go. Then I was sitting around in this gray building, waiting for hubby to show up. While in the gray building, hubby brought me this paper, and when when I had it in my hands, I realized it was an old fashioned style, card-stock report card from Mini's school. I'm sitting there, looking over Mini's grades, and they're all good. His behavior has a smiley face, then I open up one of the fold out panels, and the teacher had given him a D in one of the columns - for what, I don't know - and I saw she had written this really obnoxious comment on the card. Something like: "Absentee-ism{?} He came back next day, know he was faking it, I turned him in to the office."

I know that's not the comment exactly, but it was something like that, the text was really small and handwritten and hard to read, but it was enough to make me gasp, and I was suddenly so pissed off, all I could thing about was writing the teacher a letter and firing back to rake her over the coals for talking bad about my kid, and to ask how she would know jack diddly to start with since she took off an hour after she arrived to school that morning she supposedly knew Mini was faking...whatever?  That's about the point I woke up. I realized, in my dream, that I was getting upset over nothing. That it was all a dream. Mini hasn't been absent. We don't get card-stock report cards anymore, and haven't since the 1980s.  Basically, the dream fell apart, and I woke up to see it was after 10 a.m. I can hardly believe I slept for three hours. All I can think is that I must have needed the extra rest, because I still feel kind of groggy.

Yesterday, and I'm sure this is partly responsible for the dream, I went and straightened out a situation with Mini's school. On Wednesday afternoon, he came home crying. Literally, was crying when he got off the bus. Someone said he'd pointed his "bad" finger in class, and his teacher's answer was to tell him at the end of the day she was sending him to the office - tomorrow. So he had all night to cry and worry about going to the office, and he didn't know what he'd done wrong, other than he'd pointed at someone. Now, I've been trying to break him of pointing at things with his middle finger since he was two. Moms with toddlers will probably know what I'm talking about. I was pretty sure if he did flip someone the bird, it was accidental, or incidental. Either way, he wasn't trying to tell someone to go F themselves.

To try and get a handle on the situation, I asked him to show me what finger he'd allegedly pointed, and he held his hand straight out, backside up, and pointed the finger next to his pinkie at me. He said he'd had a piece of paper in his hand at the time. Hmm. Curious. The wrong finger - not the middle. Anyway, he didn't know why this finger was any damn different than the others. So, I had to explain to my 6 year old what the middle finger means. Joy, right? I was kinda hoping to put that off for a few more years, but whatever. So, he told me he was going to the office, because of this "bad finger" incident, and I figured I better go up to the school and find out what the heck is going on.

That ruined the flow of the whole night, I'll say that much. But yesterday, I did go take care of it. First thing I asked is if the teacher "saw" him do it. At first she said, Yes. When I explained to her Mini showed me the wrong finger at home, and that I had to explain to him what it meant, she told me, Well, here's the deal. I glimpsed it. She'd had her back turned, and saw him holding up a finger - now not necessarily THE finger. And she wanted to "put the fear in him" about using that finger again and said she was sending him to the office. Um. You want to make my kid afraid to come to school? What?

If you've got to send my kid to the office - do it. I'm not against discipline. I expect my kids to behave, and they know it. But no one is putting the FEAR in my kid, especially fear that makes them not want to go to school. Get it? Got it? Good. Someone needs to remind these grade school teachers that six-year-old kids are not teenagers. Some of them can't tie their shoelaces or tuck their shirts in yet. They're like post-graduated toddlers with better vocabulary and motor skills. They don't deserve to be put through a psychological mind game.

I told her while I expect my son to obey her class rules, it's not her job to make him fear anything. Especially going to school. He doesn't want to be up there in the first place - all work, very little play. The main thing is, I don't want him to fear going up there. If that happens, we are going to have a major problem. (In other words, they are going to have a major problem with ME.) I don't want to ever see my kid come crying off the school bus like that again. I told her, if she still feels like Mini needs to go to the office, I respect her decision. It's her class. But, it would be for the best that I go with him. I don't think it's fair to traumatize him over something she thinks she might have glimpsed without seeing the situation as a whole.

I have friends who are teachers that would probably be appalled by what I said. At the same time, I get this whole vibe from the school system...they say they want parents to be "involved" with their child's education. They want you to spend so many hours a week educating them at home. They want you to be involved with their reading so many books a year, or volunteering to sell raffle tickets, to gather box tops, or to cater bake sales for the athletics teams, plus they want you to fork over $25-50 dollars for this and that - it's a new reason to spend money every other week. They want you to be involved financially in your kids education, but they don't actually want you involved when something crops up with your kid. They don't want to see you up there if there's a bullying issue, or you're trying to get answers, nothing like that - and that's kind of a double standard, in my opinion.

There is literally a sign on the door outside of Mini's school telling you NOT to walk your child to class. They want you to drive through the port cochere and drop your kid off out front and have them go in by themselves. Even the little ones. Okay, I can do that. I have done it. No problem. But, the sign is what it is: Parents, we don't want you in here. 

Oldest went to this school also, from Kindergarten to senior graduation, and this is the first year ever a teacher sent home a note at the beginning of the year telling parents not to contact her after school hours. There is no phone number given to call her if there is a question or a problem. Her preference is that we come up to the school. But, of course, there's that sign again. Unless you're there to check out your kid early, they don't want parents going in the building!

Rant aside, it went on far long than I intended, it wasn't exactly unpleasant dealings yesterday. Everything was completely civil. But it definitely left a definite sour taste in my mouth. When I left the school that morning, I felt like I was a walking zombie. I sat in my car for a good five minutes, waiting for the traffic to taper off, and also to get my wits about me. Part of that, I imagine, is because it wasn't just one day this week. Mini had a tough week from the start, and I've had to deal with it all a piece at a time. That does nothing good for your stress level. Believe me.

The minute I made it home and kicked my shoes off, I crashed across the bed to rest. Not for long, though. I had arranged to meet up with Mom for lunch, so I had to get my game face on for that. I didn't want to go over there in a sniffy mood.

I went to visit Mom around eleven o'clock, and the day picked up from there. Things went much better. Mom's so sweet. She baked a homemade blueberry pie for me. We had salad for lunch, and of course, the pie, then we sat around chatting until about 1:30. I had to make a trip to town before going home, and ended up rushing through the store, because I couldn't remember if I'd told Mini to ride the bus home, or not. I made it back to the house by 2:30 and quickly put away the groceries. To be safe, I drove to the school to pick him up. Thankfully, everything seemed back to normal, fine, non-stressful when the teacher brought the kids out to the buses.

Mini told me had a good day, so that made my day 100x better. We went over his homework, played a few rounds of Disney Cars Operation, and then I flopped into my desk chair - exhausted, mostly from worrying. I took some time for myself and watched a Power Point workshop session, then I worked on my scene guide, timeline, and character sheets for a while. If the universe will cooperate with me, I think I've got enough information now - beginning, middle, end, conflict, theme, characters, etc. - to start writing my new erotic paranormal romance. This one's going to be hot. I have a total crush on my hero. {fans self} That's usually a good sign.

I updated my website last night, and made a "for writers" page. I should have a few things up there for download sometime next week. I'm combining some of the sheets and reformatting the documents so they'll make a clean .pdf copies...and so there aren't five different files to upload. I hope others will find them useful.

I hope you have a fabulous, stress-free Friday. Let the weekend commence!  

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1 comment:

  1. I gotta tell ya, the school system is so freaky lucky I never had kids. I'd be using my middle finger all over the place! lol And that's if they didn't set my Irish off. God help them if they did. ((hugs)) and hope your weekend is mucho better than your past week.


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