Tuesday, October 06, 2009

It's All About The Socks

This post contains a wee bit TMI, but for the sake of proving my own insanity, I'm gonna post it anyway. Kiddies, don't try this at home.

Yesterday was doctor day, and I haven't been since 2005. Or maybe 2006? It all blends, but either way, my last visit wasn't long after Minibeast was born. I haven't felt well lately, and have known for a while I need[ed] testing to get back on insulin, have my blood pressure checked, and basically get a check up to make sure all the girly bits are doing okay.

The morning of the appointment, I decided I'm going to take Mini to my mom's instead of sending him to school, because I kinda thought the sitting in the waiting room part of the appointment was probably going to run longer than I'd originally anticipated. [Isn't that usually the way?] So, still in pjs, I race Mini over to mom's. She shows me all her new flower arrangements, and I am cheery, chatting with her, etc, etc. In a nutshell, yes, I got distracted.

It's almost 9 when I leave her house, and somewhere on the 13 mile drive back to my house to shower, change into day clothes, put on makeup, and drink more coffee before heading toward Ruston, I realize that ideally 9 is when I should be leaving my house. You know, for my 10 am appointment. See? See what happens when I don't have enough coffee?

I drive 75 all the way home, very awake sans coffee, and race into the house to get dressed. At this point, the shower is more like a suds-n-scrub down in the sink, and the makeup is a no-go. I get dressed: jeans, blouse, and...socks.

I typically wear flip flops or sandals when in a hurry; however, it would have to rain on appointment day so I wanted to wear my Doc oxfords to keep my feet dry.

I swear, every pair of socks I pulled out of my dresser drawer had something wrong with them. One pair of trouser socks were so worn, I could see clear through the bottom of them. Another pair I dug out: black slouch socks from 1987. Yes. I mean that. They have "bees" sewn on them because they went with my cheerleader uniform back in jr. high and high school. *_*

Basically I went into a sock sorting frenzy trying to find "the" pair of socks to wear to the OB/GYN, because let's face it - when you're on that table, it's all about the socks.

You have to strip down to nothing behind that curtain, put on a paper gown with the opening in the front, then climb onto that horrible stirrup table and drape an over-sized paper towel across your knees. Admit it. When you're sitting up there, the dignity you had when you walked into that ice cold room is lost. All that's left of your staunch feminine pride is your effing SOCKS. Am I wrong?

So therefore, when I go to the doctor, the socks must be sparkly. The socks must have no holes and be brilliantly white.

Of course, I had no new, and/or sparkly white socks in my drawer. I did however find one pair of socks that looked relatively new, no fabric pills or rubbing. No gray/dingy areas. No threadbare areas - they're gray and orange striped Halloween socks with gold tinsel around the top, and ghosts on the sides. Printed below the ghosts: the year "2002" - just in case you wanted to commemorate that particular Halloween, I guess. Classy, no?

Okay, they were - are -hideous, but I really couldn't afford anymore lost time over socks, so I wore 'em to my appointment. I must say, they might be 7 years old, but they served me well. Even so, on my way home after the doctor visit, mom needed me to pick up a few things for her at the store before returning to pick up Mini. While shopping, I picked up a package of white socks to keep in the drawer for emergencies. Another life lesson learned.

Speaking of the doctor - blood testing. I'm a walking bruise this morning. The nurse couldn't find a vein in my right arm. Oy. She stuck me about four times, and I finally had to tell her to tap the other arm. She almost couldn't get one in the other arm either. Ah well, at least the blood testing is out of the way. They took two vials for an HA1C glucose screening, thyroid check, and I think they're doing a check on triglycerides...blah, blah, blah. I have no idea what else. I guess I'll find out when the lab bill rolls in.

I went in that morning thinking I'd be put back on insulin, but it pretty much boils down to no answers and no treatment until my test results come in. For that wealth of knowledge, I paid $106.00. Oh, wait, they did tell me I have high blood pressure [who's surprised after my morning sock fiasco?], but if I want to do anything about the blood pressure problem, I have to choose a primary care provider. Of course, I've gotta go to another doctor. I'm also supposed to remind that PCP doctor that I'm still of an age to spawn, so it has to be some kind of high blood pressure medicine that is safe in case hubster and I have decide to [or accidentally *cough, cough*] create more offspring.

At any rate, it was a day of pain and moderate footwear humiliation. Otherwise, not too shabby.

Today's agenda is to chill out and write for a bit. Oh, and work on laundry, because the hamper is full again. It's a never ending cycle.


  1. There are two things that come close to an OB/GYN's face during an exam - your socks are one of them.


    I agree they need to be super cool socks!

    Great blog.


  2. Hey Ms. Cora!
    I love Jenna's remark! But how true is that though.. Socks is what it boils down too!! I make sure I have cute (warm) socks. It is always cold in there. You are basically a paperdoll while you are there.... at least give me my socks!
    And high blood pressure, lol!! You should have told them about the socks!
    But I will say this... I will take the OBGYN any day over the dentist! LMAO!!!
    I do love your place!

  3. first: damned..do i love the fact that my testikles rarely have to be checked..and if so no need for "the chair of fear"

    second: cora zane..i love you for your wicked mind..:-)

  4. This brought back all kinds of terrible memories of getting checked while pregnant. SOOOO glad that's over. And I KNOW exactly what you mean about the socks. I always made sure they were sparkly white.

  5. good that i dont need this kind of "feet in the air"-check up..since i hate white socks and dont even own a pair of them...:-)

  6. And I quoth: There are two things that come close to an OB/GYN's face during an exam - your socks are one of them.

    Exactly, Jenna. Exactly. ^_^

  7. Cecile - that is the perfect way to describe it. It is like being a paper doll in there. LOL!

  8. Danielle, you guys are lucky - no need to worry about the dreaded chair. ^_^

  9. Isy, gah, it's worse when pregnant isn't it? You gotta pee all the time, and they make you lay back on a table high off the ground? You can't sit up afterward because you have a watermelon tummy sticking up. Yeah, that's an experience...

  10. Danielle, they can be sparkly perfect brown or black socks, too. It's the quality of the sock, not the color. Just sayin'. LOL



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