Thursday, October 04, 2007

If I Were A Starfish

In the past few days, I've received a HEAP (literally) of Publisher's Clearing House packets - you know, the ones that tell you you're an inch from winning a gabillion dollars, and when you open the envelope it contains all the leaflets of completely useless junk at inflated prices?

Looking at the stack of about seven envelopes waiting to be shredded, I can only imagine the trees we would have/could have saved if that kind of thing were outlawed. It could save me the frustration of tearing up every little scrap of paper with my personal information on it, and save a forest at the same freaking time.

Now that I think about it... Same thing with all those McDonalds and Burger King kid toys. Getting rid of them wouldn't necessarily save a forest, but I'm sure it would help the environment somehow. I imagine every landfill in the USA has a cluttered layer of Happy Meal junk securing it's place in our future as a fossil-to-be.

Ten thousand years from now (if humankind last that long) archaeologist will go to excavate some remote patch of US soil and strike a payload of "useless plastic artifacts". And I feel sorry for these poor scientific types wanting to test out each one to find it's former "significance". And you can just picture that too. Just like they do when they dig up a bronze age cup now and then. You know what I'm talking about, right? There's always that one guy on those history shows who's seriously excited about what he's found, even though doesn't know what the hell it is. He's the guy who stands up in front of the camera dressed like Indiana Jones and holds up a clay cup. In his best National Geographic voice, he says to the camera: "One must wonder what these primitive peoples used just such a cup for..."

Uh, dude. It's a cup. I imagine they drank out of it at some point. But that's just a guess. :P

Now imagine future man trying to work out the purpose of Happy Meal fodder. I do not envy that man's job.

At any rate, I sincerely hope McDonalds pays the designers of these bits of junk minimum wage because - daaamn. We bought Mini a kid's meal a few days ago and the toy he ended up with was this wacked-out, orange plastic squirrel holding up two peanuts. No kidding. You shake the squirrel, and the peanuts beat the sides of its head. Oh, but here's the best part - you get a short orange pencil with this thing, and if you place the pencil up the squirrel's *achem* tail, it's supposed to be a drawing toy too. Ooh, yay! I guess that's where all squirrels keep their pencils.


I bet you could smelt those useless peanut squirrels down to plastic sludge and repour them into something useful. Like a village of modular, plastic houses. They would last for so many years, and if something needed repairs you could just snap it apart, and put it back together again with a new part in place - a bit like giant legos.

It may sound nutty, and there would likely be some that would turn their nose up at this slap in the face of tradition and say, "But it's plastic." Yeah, yeah, I know...Houses shouldn't be made out of plastic. But have you seen what they can do with plastic these days? Or, heck, what they could do with it thirty years ago, for that matter? Just ask Strawberry Shortcake. She had a plastic house, and it wasn't anything to shake a stick at.

For those that might know better, yes, I realize this house is missing the porch swing, windowbox, mailbox, balcony deck rails and probably a dozen other things - but it's just for looks! And the point is, it's a three story house with a skylight. All plastic!

Get to it, McDonalds - smelt those toys!

On another note, check out that guy eating that deep fried starfish! That pic is from the AP news or some such place. And I thought deep fried Twinkies and Snickers bars were strange.

It's that time again...

Thirteen Foods (you can have without guilt during the induction phaze of the Atkins' Diet)

1.) butter
2.) roast beef
3.) cheese
4.) bacon
5.) lobster
6.) shrimp
7.) brussel sprouts
8.) cream cheese clouds
9.) pork rinds
10.) eggs
11.) salad with everything except carrots and tomatoes
12.) filet minon
13.) leafy greens

I post this list mainly as a reminder to myself. LOL! Happy T13 everyone! ^_^


  1. Wow! Sign me up!!!

  2. Deep fried starfish!? Wha?! LOL That's just weird...

    And OMG... your rant on McDonalds toys was a riot. I could totally see some future archeologist going on and on about the magnitude of his discovery in plastic artifacts. lol

  3. I have a rule that whenever I'm in a restaurant that serves lobster, I have to order it. Because it's not often. And I love lobster. But this rule keeps me out of most good dining establishments....

  4. Hi Sniz! I paid you a visit.

  5. Hi Working Mom! I visited you, but your blog wouldn't allow me to leave a comment. I did Mr. Linky you, though.

  6. Ugh. I could NOT be that disciplined; my hat's off to you, Cora!

    The starfish isn't my thing, and as for the Happy Meal toys... oh, am I there with you! My kids LOVE them and okay, I love plotting ways to get rid of them without their realizing, but that's about the extent of it. Since when do kids need prizes with their meals???

  7. Isabelle! Deep fried starfish - it just seems kind of sad to me. (For the starfish, which I love. Not meaning the people who eat them.)

    As for those future plastic artifacts - I was cleaning Mini's room and couldn't believe the junk! Too bad those toys can't be turned into something useful, because they are heading their way to the Goodwill.

  8. Carrie, I'm that way with lobster too. When I'm at a restaurant that sells it, that's what I order. Lobster tail and butter. Mm-mmm!

  9. What's wrong with carrots and tomatoes?!

  10. Carrots and tomatoes are too many carbs, Ann, so they're off the list. :(

  11. And they are all delicious! Except 7 and 13 of course.


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