Thursday, May 24, 2007

You can tell by my smile...

My kids are driving me absolutely slapnuts crazy this morning. Mini has taken to annoying the bejeezers out of ol' Chancey, and the mongrel codger has freaking palpitations every time Mini gets his evil giggle going on. However, you try to put the dog outside, and his toenails grip into the tile, dark clouds form, then he grabs the door as you try to shove him out past the frame... anything to keep from actually having to go OUT THERE where there is grass and sunlight and chirping birds. During all this Oldest proclaims to be helping, and knocks down a heavy wallhanging that I am surprised didn't break his back. CRIPES! Someone recue me before I list all three of them on eBay!

Thank the gods tomorrow is Friday. Otherwise, my mutant bitch factor might just go past the estrogen zone into overdrive. And there's still so much to do. Hubby made an offer on some land, so I'm waiting to hear from the realtor to see if our bid goes through. I am expecting a new cell phone today too. And I still have to pick up Mini's birthday cake, and find one of those Sit N' Spin thingies.

I could swear I saw a Sit N' Spin on the store shelves right before Mini was born, so where are they now? Did they get recalled, and I just don't know about it? Did some kid spin his brain into mush so they stopped making them? Everytime I ask a store worker about it, their eyes glaze over. I might as well go to the electronics department and ask the department manager if they sell phonographs. I'd get pretty much the same reaction.

If I can't find what I'm looking for, I guess I'll have to go with a Mr. Clip Clop instead, since it's too late to call on eBay to rescue me. I just really, really didn't want to have to put one of those clip clops together. Spring connects to the plastic horse body, spring attaches to frame... Bah! It's never as easy as the directions make it out to be. Don't believe me? Buy your kid a Cozy Coupe. (And yourself a corresponding box of Advil.)

I just started reading The Last Vampire, by Whitley Strieber. Apparently Miriam Blaylock (the vampiress from The Hunger) wants to have a baby, so she must seek out her own kind to find a suitable male. Not an easy task, since the males apparently don't like to Get. It. On. (How sad is that? You have eternity and you don't want to boink - ever. Oh yeah, sign me up for that party!) Apparently female vampires only have 4 chances in their lifetime to produce children. Miriam is on her last egg, so she knows she better get crackin' if she wants a baby. And so off she goes to find her own kind.

The one thing I've found really awkward right out the starting gate with this book - WARNING! SPOILER ALERT FOR THE FIRST BOOK - THE HUNGER! - Sarah, the doctor from The Hunger (Susan Sarrandon if you watched the movie) died by way a Keeper aka vampire would in the last book. She tried to commit suicide, only to find out at the hard way, she could destroy her body, but she couldn't die. She basically turned her body into a dead shell with her conscious being still locked inside. Terrifying discovery to make, and yet, at the very beginning of The Last Vampire, Miriam merely says she "managed to save Sarah".

Huh? She did? Well, come on Mr. Multi-bestseller...tell us how. Bring on some science! Bring on some magique - something. I'm fairly easy to please. But as far as I can tell, there is no explanation of this. Author tells me "I say so", therefore it shall be? Not good enough! My editor would lay the smackdown on me in a heartbeat if I tried that. Despite it all, I'll keep reading, and hopefully there will be more clarification about Sarah, because miraculous resurrections don't sit well with me. I do want to find out; however, if Miriam has that baby...

Now for my 4th ever Thursday 13...

Thirteen Realms Of Earthbound Hell

1.) The Department of Motor Vehicles - the hell of endless, redundant forms

2.) McDonalds - they make a list of your order, and still get it wrong

3.) Payless Shoe Source - they have all the latest colors and styles, just never in your size

4.) The Emergency Room at your local hospital. - the hell where no one knows anything - EVER.

5.) The "10 Items or Less" checkout line - the hell where no one in front of you actually has ten items or less.

6.) The Vet's Office - an expensive hell designed to accomodate pets.

7.) The Doctor's Office - the hell of endless waiting rooms.

8.) Interstate Rest Stops - a chain of state provided portals into hell. Also known for the sinks that don't work, and the toilets that won't flush.

9.) Chuck E Cheese - expensive hell where frightening, animatronic beasts molt before your eyes on stage.

10.) Tupperware Parties - a hell your friends drag you into.

11.) Victoria's Secret - the hell where nothing ever fits right.

12.) Toys R Us (on Saturday) - a hell of screeching and torture. Where evil batwinged minions sometimes take their children but for whatever reason won't buy them anything.

13.) Jury Duty - a disruptive, unsuspected hell. Tends to leap at you like a wandering black hole - unseen until it sucks you in, then there's no escaping it.

And there you have it. Cora McRanty Pants has left the building. May you all have a great day! ^_^


  1. your list and can so relate.

  2. you know what makes the "10 items or less" line especially hellacious? when the old lady in front of you is counting out her change... in pennies.

  3. You know, I don't have all of these here. It actually makes me nostalgic in some ways.

  4. Thanks for visiting, Lori! I dropped by your list. :)

  5. Dionne, thankfully I have been spared the old lady penny counter. But the women who are determined to write out an entire check instead of letting the register print it... *adding to list of hells*

  6. Annie, I can understand that. Probably the one place I'd miss the most is a major bookstore. The rest, my nostalgia would probably last as long it took me to reach the checkout line. LOL! ^_^

  7. I would add the Post Office to this list, at least the branch near me. One clerk there loves to chat chat chat. About himself. And his life is not interesting.

    I also would add the security line at any airport. Reasons do not need to be articulated; they are self-evident.

    Happy Thursday Thirteen.

  8. Love the list Cora! :D Very clever.

  9. pdj... oh, gosh! How could I have forgotten the post office. *_* We have one of those clerks at our PO who is chatty like that as well. But what's even worse than that is out of four service lines, only one ever seems to have a computer in working order.

  10. Thanks, Yolanda! Happy T13! :)

  11. Perfect Thursday Thirteen. Absolutely perfect! :)

    The Motor Vehicles really is the portal to hell. No doubt about it.

  12. OMG! LOL...your list had me crying. Every time I go to Burger King, I can be the only one there and not only do I have to pull into a parking space and wait (for what????), my order is always wrong! I got fed up one time and walked the food back in and talked to the manager who told me (no lie!) "Well, not everybody knows all the words". I didnt even know how to respond.

    If you order something "plain" there, you just have to hope that you get the guy who knows the "plain" word or else there's no hope.

    How on earth do things like this happen????

    Really enjoyed your list!
    Jessica The Rock Chick

  13. Last month at McDonalds they got my order wrong and I asked for refund and got back this response ... "we don't give refunds on credit purchases". I'm not the kind of customer that gets taken advantage of very easily, so I got my refund. I wonder how many people let them get away with stealing money? I hope this isn't a company-wide policy because that's awful.


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