Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It Ain't Easy

So you want to write erotic romance... I wish someone would have told me before I started that my parents were going to go berserk. Yes, really. Not that it would have stopped me, mind you. I'm thirty. I do what I want to do. Even so, it might have helped to be prepared for their reactions. I didn't consider it when I started. Of course, before getting published, my mom would just nod her head when I'd talk to her about a story I was working on and her eyes would go all cloudy. Writing is a wasteful pasttime in her opinion. When I finally told her what I was writing, the hysterics began.

I expected as much from my mother, but my dad has always been fairly (not completely! but about 65%) laid back, so I didn't think it was going to be an issue with him. Some part of me though he'd say "Are you getting paid?" And when I answered yes--even if it was a miniscule amount of money, he'd get over it and go on. Apparently I was wrong.

It seems I have been the topic of much discussion between my parents. So much so, I am now contemplating moving. Dad went to my hubby yesterday--who works on the same jobsite, and asked him for the nitty gritty on my books. Now, let me just say that my hubby has never actually read my books--just the kinky parts out of one story-- and let me tell you... The parts he read put his boxers in a major twist. He was one upset guy...who, believe it or not, was thoroughly jealous of the hero in my story. *_* He moped and stomped around the house for two days after secretly reading my ms, and when he finally got around to talking to me about it.

Anyway, so my dad went to Hubby. Not exactly an unbiased source. I'm sure hubby made it sound like I write pure porn--not erotic romance. I do know one of the questions was if writing about sex was one of my writing goals at the outset. And that my dad had tears in his eyes after hubby talked to him. It's clear he thoroughly did not approve.

Going through all this, I feel so drained. Emotionally, physically, creatively drained. It's like wading through sand, battling your family. The only supportive folks I find, are those would-be readers and others who also write, or are hoping to eventually publish, erotic romance. Hubby says he's supportive, but I don't call having my work constantly referred to as chick porn necessarily supportive. That he can deal with it--which he might as well, because I'm going to do it regardless--is the only big plus.

Anyway, I wanted to put this here, on my writing blog because I'm quite sure I'm not alone in this. It's just one of those things when you want something, you just have stop listening to what everyone (other than your editor!) is saying and move on.

6 comments:

  1. Oh ugh, Cora. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're still determined to go for what you want, though, and that's a good thing.

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  2. Cora, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not married, but my family is fairly supportive (some more than others). I have a sister who listens to me babble about writing and is always happy about each success I reach. I'll remember to be grateful for the support.

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  3. Oh that sucks, Cora. My parents know I've sold, but we haven't really discussed it. I doubt they'd approve and I'm just not up to the hassle. And my hubby, doesn't read what I write. He just wants to know when I'm going to make money lol. But, since he's perfectly willing to watch porn he knows better than to say anything about what I write. We're here for you, and hopefully they'll come around. {{{hugs}}}

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  4. {{{Cora}}} I know what you're going through. I fear if I ever sell my erotic romance stories my parents will put a scream in the air. That's why if I ever sell, I'll 1) use a pen name and 2) never tell them.

    Don't worry. We've got you covered. You know you can come here and spill your heart out, and you have our support. We love you!

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  5. Thanks for the support, ladies. I do appreciate it. It's good to know I have friends in the field. It was a bit depressing to have to go through it all this with my parents at first. My dad won't speak to me about it, and my mom gets on the pulpit about it so I just have to hold my breath and keep going. Luckily I'm mega hard-headed... *winks* I just decided I have to go with what makes me happy. And that's writing. KWIM?

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  6. Hey Cora,
    -- I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Writing is a tough profession to begin with, but when you're writing stories with sex in them...? Well, then you're going to hit some amazingly hot buttons – without even trying!

    Remember this:
    -- Anytime someone throws a hissy fit over You writing sex, in reality its' “All about THEM and THEIR issues -- Not You”. Seriously.

    The biggest problem most authors of ER have is that some people just can't handle the idea that 'Nice Girls like sex too'.

    The situation with your parents is clearly 'Nice Girl Syndrome'. "OUR sweet little girl likes Sex? Oh No! How did THAT happen?"

    It's kind'a like when kids discover that THEIR parents had sex -- and Still Do. “Not MY Parents! They wouldn't do that!” (“Oh no? Then how did YOU get born?”)

    Your hubby's problem is pure JEALOUSY -- in Two forms, and potentially Three.

    Jealousy Problem 1)
    "How the hell can "I" compete with THAT?"
    -- Think of it in terms of the wives that have problems with their hubbies reading Playboy or Penthouse. It's EXACTLY the same thing, for all the same reasons. By the way, if he reads those magazines, then he Really has no room to talk.

    Jealousy Problem 2)
    You’re more Popular than he is.
    -- As an author, you’re getting attention He ISN’T. As an Author, you’re SOMEBODY, while he’s just a guy, see? He’s not Writing a Book so he’ll never be SOMEBODY. He’ll never have the attention – adoring fans – that you have. Even if you don’t have them yet.

    Fair Warning! ~ You could see this particular Jealousy problem crop up among some of your friends too. You’re doing something they’re not – and you Could get FAMOUS! Famous = Popular, you know. This problem becomes really evident once you become Multi-published.

    Look at it this way, you’ll know in a hurry who actually supports you as a friend – and who Doesn’t!

    Potential Jealousy Problem 3)
    BIG MONEY
    -- If he’s already getting his panties in a wad over the attention you MIGHT get as an author, how’s he gonna deal when you start making Royalty checks Larger than His Paycheck?

    Don’t laugh. More divorces happen when the husband starts throwing fits over their Famous Wife making more money than they do.

    The flipside of the Big Money problem, is when hubby decides HE doesn’t have to work anymore – you make enough to support the both of them, even if you DON’T.

    How to fix it?
    -- I’m sorry but there’s just no way to fix the problems you’re dealing with because in essence, NONE of those problems are actually Yours.

    All those problems are being caused by what’s going on in THEIR heads.

    The reason they don’t like what You’re doing’ is because THEY don’t like what you’re doing, NOT because it’s hurting You in any way, shape, or form.

    They’re just gonna have to get over it.
    -- And if they Love you, they will – because when you truly love someone, you SUPPORT their achievements, you don't Trash them.

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